The Threesome
January 3, 1990 (Wednesday)
I know. The title may sound a little exciting to some of you, but it’s not what you may think. Keep in mind that we were all young, in the 18 to 21 year-old range. Most of us had led sheltered lives, and we were innocent. As such, we used several terms often, not realizing there may be other not-so-virtuous meanings attached. I mean — here in the 2020s, we now have an app called “Member Tools,” and no one’s the wiser. But don’t we all deserve a chuckle every now and then?
In these stories, I stick with the original terms we wrote in our journals. I also use the old Korean romanizations: that is, our city was Taegu and not Daegu as it’s officially spelled after 2000. Just know: when you read these stories, you’re going to experience the early 90’s in Korea as they were in their full glory.
So, you’re probably thinking, “Then what is a threesome?” And I bet you’ve already guessed the true definition. Following Christ’s example in Mark 6, missionaries in our church are usually sent two by two. Most of the time, we each had one other “companion,” and we went everywhere together — never alone. This way we helped each other, watched over each other, coordinated together, and so on.
But every now and then, an odd number of missionaries popped up. Instead of having one missionary without a companion, a threesome would form. These were always somewhat difficult, as it meant coordinating three people’s plans. And man — it was much easier to annoy each other.
Also remember that in our mission, we elders tended to live four in a house. That’s two companionships of two each. And today was Transfer Day, which happened once a month on average, and always on a Wednesday.
Elders Benjamin, Shumway, and I were all staying, but Elder Hansen was assigned to Miryang. And Elder Shumway was going to get a greenie — fresh from the states.
So, there we were at the bus station. Elder Hansen had all his bags, and his bus was getting ready to leave.
Elder Shumway said, “We’re going to miss you. Though, it’ll be great to have the bathroom back again.” That got a laugh.
Elder Benjamin said, “I’m praying for God to protect you in your journey. Do well, and continue sharing the gospel.”
I said, “Maybe they’ll find your Christmas presents. Don’t you ever forget Elder Elder Elder Elder Elder …”
“Elder Elder!” said Elder Shumway. “Stop that!”
Elder Hansen laughed again. “I’m going to miss you guys. Good luck with the greenie!”
And before we knew it, he was gone. The threesome had officially begun. We would be stuck together for 48 hours while Elder Shumway’s greenie first received orientation at the mission office at the same time as getting over half a day of jet lag.
In preparation for our threesome, we had two sets of calendars to consolidate, which meant we were going to be so busy, we wouldn’t have time for door knocking, street boarding, or any other general proselytizing. And of course, as district leader, Elder Shumway would be in charge.
That afternoon, our first appointment was someone new who had called us in the morning. His name was Choi Shin-bom (최신봄) and he asked for an Elder Harold, someone who served in Taegu two years prior. Though that elder was long gone back to the states, Elder Shumway successfully talked with him into meeting us that afternoon.
So we went to his apartment and knocked on his door.
And he answered. “Who is it?”
Elder Shumway said, “Foreign missionaries from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Are you Choi Shin-bom?”
“Yes.” He opened the door wider, but then when he saw all three of us, he shied back. That was one unfortunate drawback of being in a threesome. We Americans tended to be taller than Koreans, and Elder Shumway was tall, even for an American. Two people didn’t intimidate much, but add in a third person and we were suddenly a menace to be dealt with.
Sensing the hesitation, Elder Shumway said, “Oh, don’t mind Elder Elder. He’s not that mean. I’m Elder Shumway. I talked with you on the phone this morning.”
“Oh, yes, yes. Come on in. We’ll have to sit on the floor.”
Yeah — we were used to that — we were experts in floor sitting. And we had a nice discussion. Shin-bom told us he was investigating a couple of years ago, and was ready to give it another go. We took turns reviewing the first discussion. And at the end he even committed to getting baptized in a month.
As we left the appointment, Elder Shumway said, “Y’all know the rules, right? Since I answered the phone, I get this one.”
Yeah — he made up that rule. As district leader, he also usually answered the phone — that was another of his rules. But then again, not very many cold calls turned into baptisms. Elder Shumway got lucky.
January 4, 1990 (Thursday)
The next day, we got to try a new Church initiative. When most Christians hear “mission trip,” the first thing that comes to mind are all the service opportunities: planting, building, teaching, with a little bit of proselytizing thrown in there, like in the classic movie “Hawaii.”
But in our church, up to right before 1990, our missions were all about the finding of souls and helping people find Christ with very little physical labor — more in line with the original missions of the apostles first sent out by Christ.
However, someone in high position decided it was time for missionaries to do more actual service projects, spending at least a couple of hours a week. And we were one of the first groups to try it out before it went worldwide.
And get this — we had to do this outside of our Preparation Day. So, it was kind of like getting two breaks this week from proselytizing. It also meant another fraction of a day not wearing our suits.
Our project: cleaning up a local park. And yeah. Elder Shumway picked this activity. Of course we complained because it was freezing outside, and he said, “It’ll grow hair on your chests. Buck up, Elders!”
So we put on our long johns, jeans, and relatively heavy coats. And gloves, too. Have you ever tried picking up garbage with your gloves? Well — we got to use poking sticks, but still. I’d much rather be doing these things in the summer time.
And well — I suppose I was the main one complaining. Elder Benjamin was doing his usual thing. There we were, picking up trash, and he’s saying, “You know, Elders. What we’re doing now is like our souls. How many times have we passed this park, and never noticed this trash before? Now that we’re looking for it, we see it everywhere. Sure, it isn’t that much, but the tiniest bit corrupts. And if we see it, we can remove it. He who hath clean hands, and a pure heart … Psalm 24.”
Elder Shumway looked at me as if to ask, “Is he like this all the time?”
And I looked back. “Yes.”
“Does he ever turn this off?”
“No.”
And as usual, Elder Benjamin was entirely clueless as to what we may or may not have been saying to each other with our faces.
The park was moderately large with a standard-sized running track and an outdoor auditorium. Despite what Elder Benjamin had said, there wasn’t really that much trash to pick up, so we finished early.
Just when I thought Elder Shumway would wrap up, turn in our poking sticks, and go back home, he instead said, “Well, we have another 45 minutes to fill up. How about we start cleaning the surrounding residential areas?”
Did we have a choice? Elder Benjamin thought it was an excellent idea, but I was still freezing and ready to go home and drink some of that hot chocolate I had gotten for Christmas.
As we scoured the surrounding streets for trash, we found plenty. Undoubtedly more than what we had found at the park.
And I learned in hindsight that one must be careful when navigating around random houses on rolling Korean hills with low-lying roofs. I guess I wasn’t quite looking where I was going, and the shingles on the edge of one of those roofs dug into my forehead.
The force of the collision knocked me back unexpectedly, and then I had blood trickling toward my eyes and glasses.
“Dang,” said Elder Shumway. “Are you okay?”
Elder Benjamin said, “I have my oil ready. Do you need a blessing?”
“Let’s put some pressure on the wound, first.” Elder Shumway pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket and dabbed at my forehead, and I wondered if it was clean.
It stung really bad, but other than that, nothing else hurt.
“It’s just a scratch,” said Elder Shumway. “Well, that pretty much ends our service for today. I guess our bags are almost full anyway.”
It was thirty minutes early, but I was mostly okay with that, but what an embarrassing way to end the service project early! And that’s not the worst part. That was the only service project I remember doing that year. Well — except for one other one at a children’s home, but in hindsight, I wonder if my little accident had killed the pilot program for the whole mission. “One day of service, and this guy bleeds all over the place — maybe we shouldn’t do this.”
Part of me still wonders how things would have ended if we weren’t in a threesome. Maybe Elder Benjamin and I would have picked some other service project indoors — at a nursing home, maybe? And perhaps the pilot program wouldn’t have been scrapped? We’ll never know. All I know is I still have this scar on my forehead to remember.
Coming back to Thursday, we went home and I got my hot chocolate. And then we went to go teach not one, but two sets of Elder Shumway’s investigators. I suppose part of this was because my former tongbanja (companion), Elder Lee, and I had not accumulated very many investigators from our sign language effort, while Elders Shumway and Hansen had worked up a full schedule. To this, Elder Shumway told us, “Don’t worry. Keep working hard, and you two will have your own busy schedule. But right now, I just have more investigators than you do, so we’re going to see mine.” I think he just enjoyed being in charge.
Our first pair of investigators was an old lady and granddaughter who lived together. As we taught them the first discussion, the old lady kept telling us, “No, we don’t need this special book. You can give it to someone else who needs it.”
To which the granddaughter kept mostly silent — until she wasn’t. She ultimately said meekly, “I could use that book. Maybe give it to me?”
And then the grandmother answered, “Well, it looks like we could use that book after all.”
Then we went to give the second discussion to Elder Shumway’s other investigator, and I’ll just skip to the end … the guy committed to getting baptized! Yeah, our own guys won’t commit, and Elder Shumway gets two commitments in two days? Such a show-off!
Then again, looking back, I think Elder Benjamin played a major role in helping them to commit., which makes me wonder again: had we not been in the threesome, would these guys have committed to baptism, having missed out on Elder Benjamin’s spirit? We’ll never know. Either way, Elder Shumway was going to get the credit.
January 5, 1990 (Friday)
The next morning, we finally got to teach one of our own investigators. Remember Kim Bo-yeon (김보연)? Yeah — the guy who hiked with us on Christmas — so he already knew Elder Shumway.
We met at the church, and we taught him the third discussion on the Restoration. That lesson is all about the great apostasy and how God restored His true gospel. Bo-yeon loved the lesson, especially Elder Benjamin’s testimony. And he committed to … coming to church the upcoming Sunday.
Yeah — still no commitments on baptism., though Elder Shumway pushed it pretty hard. Perhaps a bit too much — making me a little nervous that he might scare him away.
When the discussion was over, Elder Shumway said, “So — we got a little time before we have to get lunch and pick up our new greenie. How about some quick ping pong?”
Bo-yeon said yes. He had time. And down to the basement we went. Had we not been in the threesome, we would have probably skipped ping pong, but not Elder Shumway.
Well, at least there was one good thing about the threesome. Bo-yeon meant four, which meant we could play doubles without having to rotate players.
We played for about half an hour, and just like as with Christmas, Bo-yeon performed ten times better than the rest of us. He was on Elder Shumway’s team, so they won every game.
At the end, Elder Shumway said, “You know what happens to the winner — right?”
Bo-yeon said, “Oh no. Not again.”
“That’s right. FLARMP!!!” Elder Shumway jumped on Bo-yeon, and the rest of us did, too.
“Wait,” said Bo-yeon from the bottom. “Didn’t you win, too, Elder Shumway?”
“I can’t flarmp myself.”
He had a point. Bo-yeon laughed.
We got back up, and Bo-yeon took us all out to eat at the nearest shikdang. I got some chap-chae pap, or transparent noodles with vegetables and rice — one of my favorites.
After lunch, Bo-yeon went back to school to catch up on study and research. And we went to the bus stop. Time to pick up the greenie!!
As the new guy got off the bus, he waved at us and said, “Hi, y’all!”
Wait — “Did you say, ‘y’all’?” I asked.
“Sure did.”
“You’re from the South, like me?”
“North Carolina. Yep. Someone told me you’re from Georgia. You must be Elder Elder.”
He was tall and somewhat skinny. Pug nose, dark hair, and an irresistible smile. He also appeared to be very tired.
Elder Shumway approached him and shook hands. “Hey. I’m the district leader, Elder Shumway, your new companion.”
“Hi, I’m Elder Riley.”
“Good to meet you.”
The greetings continued on as we helped to grab his bags.
Elder Shumway then pointed to the sky and said to his new greenie, “You see that plane up there?”
Elder Riley looked behind him and said, “Yep.”
“Which of us is closer to it?”
Elder Riley answered, “It appears I’m standing closer, so it would be me.”
“No, I’m closer.”
“Why, because you’re taller?”
“No. Because for me it’s 8 months away, and for you — 2 years.”
Ouch — yeah — that was his favorite joke.
As we got ready to get on board the bus back to our apartment, Elder Benjamin said, “Wasn’t that fun, guys? Our threesome has officially come to an end.”
Elder Riley gasped and chuckled. “Excuse me. What’s coming to an end?”
“Our threesome,” said Elder Benjamin.
“Heh. You know what that means?”
“Yeah,” said Elder Benjamin. “There were three of us. Three is the magic number!”
Elder Riley suppressed more chuckling and said, “Never mind. I think I’m going to love living with you guys.”
I do have to admit, though … of all the threesomes I was in those two years of my mission, this one was my favorite.
