Ties and Perfumes

This week I'll try something a little funny (but also a little serious) for the spiritual thought. A couple of years ago, I started this "How to Keep People in the Church" series, and it's been a while. This is a light-hearted addition to that series.

There are two things I struggle with in the church: ties and perfumes.

Ties

If you think about -- we're taking a piece of fabric and wrapping it tight around our necks -- choke, choke! And what does it even do? People say it looks good, but why exactly is that? Get too close to a shredder, and you might get into trouble.

For me, ties are extra hard to wear because I get nervous and it's physically painful. I have no idea why. I also can't wear wristwatches, bracelets, rings, necklaces. I only wear ties when it's important -- like someone big coming into the office, or when I go to church and I feel I need to set an example. But still -- it triggers the pain and neck tics, and I always long for the time when I can take the tie off.

I also don't exactly understand why we have to wear neckties at church. It's never mentioned in the Bible -- and not even in the Book of Mormon, Doctrine & Convenants, or the Pearl of Great Price (for members of my church). Jesus never wore a tie, and I never see him depicted as wearing a tie -- even in Second Coming depictions.

But funny thing -- I challenged my son: show me just one picture of Jesus wearing a tie, and I'll stop complaining. And he did a quick Google Search and found one:

Somehow I don't think it counts. Though, there are some who believe he just might wear a tie if he were alive today.

And what about Joseph Smith, the first modern-day prophet? He does appear to be wearing some kind of loose bowtie thingy with lots of fancy frills -- typical of the period.

Nowadays, it seems that neckties aren't just nice, but are rather required. If I miss a day of not wearing a tie, several people will let me hear about it. "Where's your tie?" "Going apostate?"

Also, many times, I've heard that a white shirt and tie are required in order to bless or pass the sacrament in church. But it turns out, that not even that is spelled out in our official Church Handbook. On the Sacrament, it states:

Those who administer the sacrament should be well groomed and clean. They should not wear clothing or jewelry that might detract from the worship and covenant making that are the purpose of the sacrament. (Section 18.9.3)

It's understandable that some units may interpret this to mean "white shirt and ties" because "anything else would be distracting clothing." But kind of a stretch. (I should mention that I have indeed witnessed some teenagers passing the sacrament without ties -- it's not entirely as strict as I'm making it sound -- just having fun.)

It may help to understand why we Latter-day Saints wear ties. It's most likely for the same reason anybody in any Christian church wants to wear a tie. We just want to look nice. It's not really required, but it's a way of showing God that we care enough to dress up and show our devotion. Though, sometimes we may take it a little too far and end up wearing "fine linen" just to show off how rich we want people to think we are. (Now -- the Bible does talk about that.)

In my research, it looks like ties as we know them today, became in style in the early 20th century -- I think. Here's President Heber J Grant: the first prophet I see wearing the straight tie ...

Now that neckties are starting to get a little out of style, eventually we may see them going away in church as well. One can only hope!

I have heard people say: "I don't want to go to church because they'll make me wear a suit and tie." And it can be a real disincentive. Totally understandable. But on the flip side, I think in my church, we always have some men not wearing ties and no one seems to care. As the organist, it's harder for me to get away with it.

Ties are fine, but if it's going to push someone away from coming to church, it'd probably be best to not push the tie. We want people to benefit from coming to church -- not to hold them to some level of worthiness as a prerequisite for attending. I think my local church is doing a really great job finding a balance between encouraging ties and not judging (too much) when people don't wear a tie.

Perfume

This is probably the bigger struggle for me, because I'm sensitive to strong smells. My eyes get cloudy. My throat closes up. My ears burn, and sometimes I even rash up. Every now and then, there's also a histamine reaction (whee!). 

I can handle a little bit of perfume and quickly adapt, but there's something about church that inspires people to pour on a whole bottle -- such that when they step into the chapel, everyone can smell them immediately, even in the far corner. Multiply that by 20, and you get a typical day at church.

Some people will pour that cologne or perfume directly on their hands as well, so when I shake, it gets all over my hands, which makes things even worse.

After a while, I kind of get used to it -- but after a year of coronavirus, and going back to in-person church for the first time last week -- it was a big blow to the nose. (And the mask doesn't really help filter it much.)

On really bad days, I have to leave the chapel after the sacrament hymn -- just so I can breath. There's one sister in our area, who just cannot go into the chapel, so she listens in from the library. Every now and then, the bishopric would announce: "We have some really sensitive people in our ward, and would like to ask you not to wear such strong perfume." And in other wards, I'll even see that printed in the program, but it never seems to make a difference. But wait -- isn't there something in the Bible about strong perfume?

But I can totally understand -- people want to smell nice when they wear their Sunday Best and show their devotion to the Lord. I think there are other ways to show devotion without having to wear ties and pour on the perfume. The one sister I mentioned still tries to come to church, but I can imagine there being others who refuse to come because it's just too much, though I can't think of anyone making this choice. I can soldier through it all -- church is just that important, but, boy is it torture!

So think about it -- two really small things -- ties and perfume -- that may actually serve to push people away from church. Armed with this knowledge, would you do anything differently?