Self Reliance Principles -- Summary

Over this past year, I've shared 12 principles of Self Reliance that I learned while taking a course presented by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I invite you to check these out and see if they can help you succeed. I took the course with the intentions of having it help me grow my new and fledgling music business. Here is a quick summary of all the principles:

#1) Self reliance is a part of our spiritual salvation. Temporal matters and spiritual matters are the same in the eyes of God.

#2) Faith. No one succeeds unless they first believe they will ultimately succeed.

#3) Managing money. Hard work and saving money can help us get out of debt and prepare for the future.

#4) Obedience. As we exercise free will, we are usually better off following rules and advice from those who have gone before us.

#5) Use time wisely. Weekly and daily planning sessions can help you get the most out of your time in order to better achieve your goals.

#6) Perseverance. A positive attitude and a desire to push forward can help you achieve goals.

#7) Problem solving. Often, the best way to proceed is to first understand what the true problem is. [Bonus post: #7a -- The cop at the corner. An example of applying an expensive solution when a much simpler one exists.]

#8) Serving together. As people serve and work together, they can help each other achieve much more than they can on their own.

#9) Seek learning. Research and planning can help to formulate effective and achievable goals.

#10) Integrity. Honesty and keeping promises can help your reputation and avoid bad situations.

#11) Listening. Opening your ears and listening can help to accomplish tasks and strengthen relationships.

#12) Temple ordinances. Remembering what is most important in your life can help you maintain a proper perspective and with your decision making.

Self Reliance Principle #12: Temple Ordinances

The 12th and last principle of self reliance is to attend the temple. At first, this may sound like a strange one, but let me try to explain.

For my non-LDS readers, I'll point out that temple attendance represents that which is most important to members of my church. For example, I place a lot of value on the temple marriage between my spouse and me, knowing that it will ensure an eternal existence together in the next life. If I can't be with my family, then what else matters?

Though you may not belong to this church, you undoubtedly have something else that you consider to be most important. Perhaps it's something related to your own church, or your family, or something you've accomplished.

Once you've identified what's most important, you must then do whatever it takes to remember that -- to strengthen it, obtain it, achieve it, or cherish it.

Going back to LDS temples -- these are few, scattered around the world -- less than 200 total. So, in many places, it becomes a sacrifice in and of itself to attend the temple. In my case, it usually takes ninety minutes one way to get to the nearest temple. Though, now that it's closed for renovation, the next closest one is three hours away. With my busy schedule, it's a real sacrifice to go on such a trip.

For many people, the trip itself can also be a big financial burden -- especially outside of the US. So, planning such a trip may, itself, require exercising all the other self reliance principles.

The lesson manual points out several times that "insignificant things" can distract us from what's most important. These are things that pop up every now and then that seem important, to which we may devote much time while losing track of what's really important. Perhaps it's frustrations at work, or an argument with a friend. Or perhaps it's a fun diversion that wastes time.

Whatever pops up, we're best off to continually remember what's really important. For example, in the movie It's a Wonderful Life, George Bailey became so preoccupied with his problems that he quickly forgot how important he was in everyone else's lives.

So, there you go ... remember what's important, and you will do well. You will then naturally want to follow all of the other principles of self reliance, and you will succeed.

Self Reliance Principle #11: Listening

If everyone in the world were to follow this one principle (listening), it would solve nearly every problem.

Doesn't it make sense that when you listen, you'll learn more, understand more, and will be able to make better decisions? And isn't it amazing how most people refuse to do it?

This concept is so important that it makes up the most of Stephen Covey's 5th habit: "Seek first to understand, then to be understood."

How exactly does this work? The Self Reliance lesson manual provides the following 4-step process.

1. Concentrate: pay attention to the words and body language, and avoid distractions.

2. Appreciate: look at the speaker, show interest, and express thanks.

3. Review: try to repeat what you just heard.

4. Ask: "Did I understand?" and listen to the answer.

I got to practice some of this, myself, this past year. Even though I had planned certain activities in my music business, I came across a comment that someone made: "It's very difficult to buy sheet music when you can't see what's inside." After asking follow-up questions, I then decided to introduce free choral previews on my website, which appears to have been well received, even though I ended up putting off other business activities for a month. In the end, it appears to have been worth the effort.

Think what could be accomplished in Congress if Democrats and Republicans were to simply listen to each other. How many times have you heard someone from one party complaining about how the other party is stupid and doesn't listen, when in reality it turns out that the person complaining isn't listening either?

The lesson manual also spends a considerable amount of time relating this principle to prayer. It is all too easy to go to our knees, thank God, and ask for things. However, how often do we stop to listen to the answers?

This part is very difficult for me. Very often when I say a prayer, it's usually too noisy, or I'm distracted with something else. Yet there are other times when I find myself ready to listen and I'll receive the answers I need to hear.

The 4 steps above can mostly be applied to prayer as well. There is no "body language" or being able to "look at the speaker," but most everything else applies. God isn't some out-of-reach super-duper-uber-high entity who couldn't care less about our everyday lives. Rather, he has shown over and over that he wishes to talk to us, and all we have to do is to simply listen.

So, give it a try. Over the next week, whomever you run into, listen to what they have to say and seek to understand them. See how they respond when they realize you had been listening. And see what you can learn.

Self Reliance Principle #10: Integrity

The 10th principle of self reliance may be one of the toughest ones to practice: showing integrity. This is most difficult when being tempted to cheat a little or break some small rule when you think you won't get caught or if you think it's not that important.

Examples may include telling a white lie, claiming tax deductions you don't really qualify for, failing to disclose any problems with a product you're selling, keeping change when a cashier gives too much back, driving over the speed limit or even cutting through a parking lot.

I know ... no one's perfect, and going a few miles over the speed limit isn't going to keep anyone from going to heaven, but we could at least try -- at least where it really counts.

Consider the following story as told by Elder Robert C. Gay during the October 2012 General Conference.



I wonder--how many of you readers have told the movie ticket taker that your 12-year-old child was 11, just to get a cheaper ticket? I've done it, myself, multiple times, especially when we were low on cash. As an expert on financial matters, it is very easy for me to rationalize why this would be okay. Are you ready for this?

Why do movie theaters sell children tickets for cheaper? Because of supply/demand concerns, and also as an incentive to bring more families through the doors. If child ticket prices are too expensive, the adult parents, themselves, will decide not to come watch the movie. Providing cheaper tickets for children actually results in more money coming into the theater. 

And when my child just turned 12 years old, she wasn't much different than she was a week prior when she was 11. And we, as a family, were still struggling. Thus the theater would be more than happy to let my child continue to come in cheaper so that they would continue to get revenue from the whole family.

See how easy that was? That's called rationalization, and we all do it every single day. It sounds good and it makes us feel a whole lot better about bending the rules, but when does it ever make it right? And if we're willing to bend a little here and there, where else are we willing to bend?

A couple of decades ago, I used to work at McDonald's, and back then, their training was specific with uniform unbending rules. In particular, I was taught how many pickles were to go on each product. Hamburgers and cheeseburgers get one pickle. Big Macs, double cheeseburgers, and bigger sandwiches get two.

I still eat at McDonald's; I've never outgrown the taste. But I will always check how many pickles I receive. If I get extra pickles, others might say, "Hooray, extra pickles!" But I can't help thinking, "If they're breaking this one rule, what else are they bending? Are they cooking the burgers the full amount? Are they resisting the temptation to drop two baskets of fries at the same time (leading to lower temperatures and undercooked fries)? Are they cleaning their dishes properly and cleaning out the grease on schedule? What about the dining area and the bathrooms?"

The wrong number of pickles signals to me possible reasons to avoid that one particular store, as there are usually plenty of them around to choose from.

And that's a lesson I learned early in life. Sure, I'm not perfect, and I will bend the rules daily, but I also know how damaging it can be when I do get caught. When I fail to do as promised, people will say, "I can't count on Mel." When I drive like a maniac and cut off someone at church, they'll remember it for years. When I pull too many pranks, they'll say, "I can't trust him."

Ultimately, that's why we all need to practice integrity, because it is of utmost importance to gain the trust of people we're dealing with. Especially in business. The more you treat people with respect and fulfill their expectations, the more they return for your services.

Finally, to end on a spiritual note, I'll provide this quote from the late Elder Wirthlin from the April 1990 General Conference.

Integrity means always doing what is right and good, regardless of the immediate consequences. It means being righteous from the very depth of our soul, not only in our actions but, more importantly, in our thoughts and in our hearts. ... A little lying, a little cheating, or taking a little unfair advantage are not acceptable to the Lord. ... The consummate reward of integrity is the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost, ... [who will] guide us in all we do.

Self Reliance Principle #9: Seek Learning

The next principle (#9) of Self Reliance looks like another lesson from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. If you want to get where you want to go, you must first figure out where you want to go, and then figure out how to get there.

First, it helps to formulate a life's mission. What are your desires? What would you like to accomplish? When you come to the end of your life, what would you like to see when you look back, such that you will be able to say, "I had a good life"?

I know. It sounds corny, but it doesn't need to be anything fancy -- just anything you want to write down. It can be changed at any time.

For me, it's to maximize my music and fiction output so as to become a good influence in other people's lives.

Next, you must set goals to help you carry out the life's mission. These can be large goals, small goals, or sub-goals, or even goals of tangental things you want to accomplish, even if it doesn't directly relate to your life's mission.

The Self Reliance lesson manual lists 5 characteristics of a good goal:

#1) Specific and measurable.
#2) Written down and displayed.
#3) Have completion times.
#4) Require specific actions to accomplish.
#5) Constantly reviewed and updated.

My life coach gives another set of 5 characteristics that are very similar. Perhaps you'll like this list better:

Specific
Measurable
Action Oriented
Realistic
Time Based

With this in mind, an incomplete goal would be: "I want to lose weight." Without specific numbers in mind, you probably won't lose much weight.

A better, but still incomplete goal would be: "I want to lose 20 pounds." Without a time limit, you could be on this diet forever, get frustrated, and stop.

A bad goal would be: "I want to lose 20 pounds in 1 week," as it is unrealistic.

A perfect goal would be: "I want to lose 20 pounds in 4 months." This goal is specific, measurable, actionable, realistic, and time bound. If you write it down and constantly review and update as needed, then you're well on your way.

Finally, the manual suggests finding a mentor to help keep you in line. This is exactly what I had decided to do about three years ago. I found and hired a life coach, and he helped me to align my priorities. It's helped me to start my own business and to push forward in growing that business. It's helped me to reach out to colleagues and learn valuable information.

As a result, I am now much closer to carrying out my life's mission. I still meet with my life coach, as there's still a long way to go.

So, if you want fulfillment in this life -- figure out how to get there. Do the necessary research. Learn what you have to do. Enlist friends and colleagues to help you in your quest. And never give up!

Self Reliance Principle #8: Serve Together

Self reliance is a way for people like you and me to work together for our mutual benefit. This sounds like one of the core principles from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

Here's how it works.

Let's say someone does a task alone. 1 unit of effort provides 1 unit of results. Another person doing a similar task alone also exerts 1 unit of effort for 1 unit of results. What happens when these two people work together? If each exerts 1 unit of effort, will it add up to 2 units of results?

Surprisingly, the answer often turns out to be greater than 2. Think about it. If the tasks are similar, then the to-do list can be split between the two workers, and both can receive higher benefits from the same amount of effort. Thus 1 + 1 becomes 3 (averaging 1.5 units of results per person) or even higher.

Stephen Covey, in his book, refers to this as synergy. When two parties listen to each other and determine how each can best contribute, the result can be a deal that benefits both of them greatly, what one would call a win/win situation.

To kick this up a notch, consider this: In life, we are all in different stages. For example, some are mature, capable adults, while others are inexperienced children. Some are financially set for life, while some must beg for each meal. As such, we may often find ourselves to be in a position to help others.

When someone comes to you for help, how do you react? Many of us will say, "These people are lazy. I worked hard to be where I am, and why should I help these people?" When we have this attitude, we may be missing a wonderful opportunity.

Imagine flying on an airplane with your young child. The cabin pressure suddenly drops, and oxygen masks come down. You, being experienced, know enough to put the oxygen mask on, but your child may not know what to do. Would it make sense to leave it to the child to put on his own mask, or would you help him to do the task?

It's similar with those who are in need. They may not know how to be self-reliant, but with a little bit of help, they may be able to get there.

On the airplane, when you put on your child's mask, you are simultaneously teaching him how to do it, preparing him for future similar events.

Also, get this: when the masks come down, do you first put the mask on your child? Or do you put your mask on first before you help your child? If you don't put on your mask first, you could possibly go unconscious before finishing, thus endangering both lives. Likewise with self-reliance, it's difficult to help someone when you are yourself in need.

In May 2012, Elder Robert D. Hales said, "The purpose of both temporal and spiritual self-reliance is to get ourselves on higher ground so that we can lift others in need."

Whatever we learn in life can be passed on to others, and we can help others through our service, while also teaching them how to gain their own self reliance. Often the favor can be returned when we, ourselves, become the ones in need.

Also, service can be a way to help us become closer to the Lord.

Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf said in May 2011, "Often, the answer to our prayers does not come while we're on our knees but while we're on our feet serving the Lord and serving those around us. Selfless acts of service and consecration refine our spirits, remove the scales from our spiritual eyes, and open the windows of heaven. By becoming the answer to someone's prayer, we often find the answer to our own."

Thus, service becomes a win/win situation to everyone involved. Spiritual synergy is obtained, more people become edified, and are all elevated to higher levels.

So, next time you have an opportunity, try it out. Provide service. Help someone move. Provide a gift. Provide support to those suffering from a disaster. Be a listening ear. And see what blessings will arise and see if everyone is lifted up. See if you can witness firsthand spiritual synergy.