Self Reliance Principle #11: Listening

If everyone in the world were to follow this one principle (listening), it would solve nearly every problem.

Doesn't it make sense that when you listen, you'll learn more, understand more, and will be able to make better decisions? And isn't it amazing how most people refuse to do it?

This concept is so important that it makes up the most of Stephen Covey's 5th habit: "Seek first to understand, then to be understood."

How exactly does this work? The Self Reliance lesson manual provides the following 4-step process.

1. Concentrate: pay attention to the words and body language, and avoid distractions.

2. Appreciate: look at the speaker, show interest, and express thanks.

3. Review: try to repeat what you just heard.

4. Ask: "Did I understand?" and listen to the answer.

I got to practice some of this, myself, this past year. Even though I had planned certain activities in my music business, I came across a comment that someone made: "It's very difficult to buy sheet music when you can't see what's inside." After asking follow-up questions, I then decided to introduce free choral previews on my website, which appears to have been well received, even though I ended up putting off other business activities for a month. In the end, it appears to have been worth the effort.

Think what could be accomplished in Congress if Democrats and Republicans were to simply listen to each other. How many times have you heard someone from one party complaining about how the other party is stupid and doesn't listen, when in reality it turns out that the person complaining isn't listening either?

The lesson manual also spends a considerable amount of time relating this principle to prayer. It is all too easy to go to our knees, thank God, and ask for things. However, how often do we stop to listen to the answers?

This part is very difficult for me. Very often when I say a prayer, it's usually too noisy, or I'm distracted with something else. Yet there are other times when I find myself ready to listen and I'll receive the answers I need to hear.

The 4 steps above can mostly be applied to prayer as well. There is no "body language" or being able to "look at the speaker," but most everything else applies. God isn't some out-of-reach super-duper-uber-high entity who couldn't care less about our everyday lives. Rather, he has shown over and over that he wishes to talk to us, and all we have to do is to simply listen.

So, give it a try. Over the next week, whomever you run into, listen to what they have to say and seek to understand them. See how they respond when they realize you had been listening. And see what you can learn.