Today I've decided that I want to reveal one of my selfish deepest desires. I realize the title that I've picked is usually used in allegory, but today I'm actually talking about the physical action of healing the blind.
I've always had bad eyes. I'm severely myopic (near sighted), meaning everything I see is out of focus, and I also have an annoying stigmatism that kind of shifts the horizontal and the vertical. Plus, in recent years I've started the early stages of cataracts in both eyes.
I hate glasses, but I can't do without them. Yet, they come with their own issues. Scratches are annoying. In fact I saw some fresh new scratches on my glasses this morning, which helped me to choose today's topic. It's so demoralizing to realize that each scratch is permanent until I get my next pair -- but then how soon will those get scratched? It never ends!
Since my prescription is so heavy, I'm forced to get the high index lenses, which really messes with the brain and gives me headaches. And still, the weight pushes down on my ears, often causing sores and more headaches, and even the nose gets sore, and sometime my cheeks under the lenses. We glasses wearers quickly recognize our own when we see the nearly permanent dents just above the nose.
I once tried contacts, but my wimpy eyes can't handle them ... you can ask my high-school friends who went down with me to Panama City. The contacts were a disaster. But man was I cool for a few days!
I know ... a lot of whinging going on, but I'm getting there. I'm going to pause for a moment and let you think of your own selfish deepest desire. We all got something ... that one thing that's annoyed you your entire life that you feel you can do nothing about. (Okay ... something else besides Mel.)
For me, the miracles of Jesus really resonates. I mean, Jesus touched a blind man's eyes, and then he was healed. If I were alive during that time, Jesus could touch my eyes, and I'd be cured. In fact, I long for the day where I no longer have to wear glasses ... one of my deepest desires ... to see clearly unaided and without pain, to take in the full beauty of the world around me, and never be blind again.
But then again, in my current state, would I actually go up to Jesus to be healed? Now that you got that one selfish deepest desire in mind, would you be first in line to have Jesus fix what ails you?
Think about it.
I know that even with the pain I go through every day, I know there are others who are far worse than I am. My eyes aren't that bad ... I can wear glasses with a prescription that cancels out all adverse effects, and I really can see clearly (except for the scratches, and the glare, and now my early cataracts that make rainbow colors around lights at night, and then when my eyes change and -- oh there I go again). But there are others suffering from far more painful maladies. Some are entirely blind. Some are deaf -- I'm reminded of one of Beethoven's famous letters about his selfish deepest desire. Some can't walk. Some have terminal diseases.
I could in no good conscious be the first person to be healed by Jesus -- partly because I have a remedy -- and those guys need the healing a lot more than I do. But still, I would really, really, really love to be healed. If Jesus were to walk directly up to me and say he was going to fix my eyes, I would not say no.
But still, I'm wondering: why can't I get healed right now? What good was all that healing of the sick when we got people today who could use that healing? Maybe it's just me sour-graping things.
Yet, Jesus isn't the only one capable of healing the sick. His apostles could do it. In my own church, it's said that Joseph Smith did it, and there are some accounts of of more modern day church leaders who have been reported to heal the blind.
In fact we are taught that all of us who hold the Priesthood have the exact same healing powers. Plus, there is this in D&C 84:65-73:
And these signs shall follow them that believe. In my name they shall do many wonderful works; in my name they shall cast out devils; in my name they shall heal the sick; in my name they shall open the eyes of the blind, and unstop the ears of the deaf; and the tongue of the dumb shall speak; and if any man shall administer poison unto them, it shall not hurt them; and the poison of a serpent shall not have power to harm them. But a commandment I give unto them, that they shall not boast themselves of these things, neither speak them before the world; for these things are given unto you for your profit and for salvation.
So, why can't I go up to my bishop and say, "Heal my eyes"?
Well, I suppose any of us could do this, but who has enough faith to heal, or enough faith to be healed? That could be a topic in and of itself. I know Jesus could heal me, but it's difficult to have enough faith in someone like me doing it.
Then again, I've seen and have been a part of several miracle healings. As a missionary, I developed an anomaly in my eye that we all thought was going to be permanent, and after I got a blessing for the sick, it miraculously healed itself at the same moment I went to see the doctor. He was amazed, and so was I.
And again - again, I feel that I was given this malady to give me experience. To help me constantly think about "seeing" all the time, perhaps it has made me a lot more sensitive in seeing things that other people don't. I can evidently hear things that other people can't, and I notice a lot more than other people do about surroundings -- kind of like Monk or Sherlock Holmes. ... And did I just now bring this back to the allegorical meaning of my title?
Anyway ... thanks for letting me whinge away. In the end, all these experiences help to increase our character, and give us more perspective. I ought to be thankful, but I wouldn't mind to be healed nonetheless.
No comments:
Post a Comment