Big Things, Small Things, and Eclipses

Last year I shared my "eclipse" testimony, or what I learned after having gone down to Greenville, SC to see the US Solar Eclipse of 2017. I gave that testimony at my church the first Sunday in September 2017. Shortly after that in October, there were at least two different General Conference talks using the eclipse as an analogy, only the speakers went a different route than I did.

I saw the corona as a beautiful thing, of which the surface of the sun was a distraction, hiding it from our view. The moon helped to cover the distraction, which allowed us to see the corona.

But the general authorities went with the idea that the moon was a small distraction hiding the larger sun from us -- turning a once-in-a-lifetime beautiful phenomenon into an ugly thing -- something that didn't resonate with me.

They said that one can hold up a thumb and hide the sun from view ... just a tiny little thing (a distraction) keeping us from seeing the bigger picture. Yeah ... I get it.

Then, around that same time in 2017 we had a general authority from Utah announce a visit to our upcoming Stake Conference in December -- generally a big meeting with over a thousand of congregates attending. I'll give more details in a later post, but for now let's just say that the visiting authority didn't like the music I had picked with the stake music director for the meeting -- rejected it outright without even listening to it.

To me, that was, and still is, a really big thing. I felt I had been inspired, and that God himself approved our choice, only for it to be rejected by a visiting authority who "doesn't really understand music." I was bitter, and I must admit that it still stings, two and a half years later.

For the few weeks that followed, I made plans ... I wasn't going to provide any of the music for Stake Conference ... or I'd show up and walk out in the middle, leaving them high and dry for an organist ... or I'd stop going to church altogether -- perhaps shop around and check out the music scene at other churches. In fact, one or two weeks I was so angry I couldn't go to church at all. I had to stay home and cool off.

During a social event at this time, I ranted to my good pianist church friend, thinking she would help feed into my "righteousness indignation," but instead she had the gall to bring up the General Conference talks. "You know, like what you said in your own testimony about the solar eclipse." She said I was letting a little thing get in the way of my salvation. It was blocking my view of what was important.

My first instinct was anger ... first off because I did not like their analogy and it was NOT what I said in my testimony. And then I was angry because -- why couldn't see how big this thing was? It may have been a little thing to her, but it didn't happen to her. It was still big to me.

But her words sunk in. I couldn't ignore her, and I had to admit she was right. Leave the church? If I were to return to Jesus and say, "But you saw what that general authority did to me, going against your inspiration," would I really expect him to pat me on the back and say, "Yes, I know; come on in"?

Walk out on my peeps in the middle of Stake Conference? That would guarantee they'd never ask me to come back to play organ. If I had carried out any of my plans, it would have backfired more than I would have intended. Ultimately, the music director asked me to stick with her and play some other pieces she had picked out -- I couldn't leave her after all we had been through, and if anyone was hurt more than me from the event, it was she. In the end, we both ended up doing the right things -- I played, and I stayed.

With so many aspects of life to consider, I couldn't let this one musical event destroy my life.

From this whole experience, I had two key takeaways ...

#1) It is very EASY to let one small thing pull you away from the church. It almost happened to me, and I've seen it happen to several other people. Someone gets into an argument, and one, or both, decide not to come back to church. Someone may disagree with a church policy and leave. I've even seen someone disagree with the Church but then wait until the Church reverses before leaving. There are entire blogs, pages, and organizations, each built on single specific issues against the Church. In each case, it's such a small little thing in the grand scheme of things.

#2) It is also very EASY to push people away from the church when they're going through hard times by telling them how small the thing is. (Of course, my friend knew what I could handle.) Even though small in the grand scheme of things, it's still a big thing to that person. Music is very important to me, and so my pain was magnified, while I know others would never understand. If you want the friend to stay in the church, you will have to be careful and diplomatic in how to help them understand how small the thing really is. At first, step into their shoes and listen. Show your support and understanding. And then when they feel your trust, you can start to give them perspective, and help them to see for themselves that there are much bigger things to worry about.

With this in mind ... hopefully you can use some of these ideas to help you stick with church, and also how to keep others to stick with church ... helping each other to become better people, viewing everything with the proper perspective ... not letting single issues getting in the way of your salvation. There is so much going on in our lives that's bigger than most anything that can happen to us, and with God we can overcome anything.

On the Naming of This Blog

It's been a year now since the announcement on misusing the term "Mormon," and as you may notice, this blog is still called "The Mormon Mel." I've received a few questions and have decided this is a perfect opportunity for a fun discussion.

First, a little catch up.

In August 2018, our new leader, the 94-year-old President Russell M. Nelson, launched an effort to correct the branding of our church. The official name of our church is, and has always been: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

The concern is that perhaps we have relied too much on the nickname "Mormon," such that it has corrupted the Church's image, and has led to confusion. For example, several times people have asked me if I believe in a God named Mormon. Or they don't realize that we rely on the Bible as much as we do the Book of Mormon. And many don't know we believe in Jesus Christ at all.

But just imagine ... if everyone called us "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints," it could help clear things up. Do we believe in Jesus? "It's in the name of our church." Do we believe in the Bible? "What Jesus-believing religion doesn't?"

It all makes sense. While the Church tones down on the use of the term "Mormon," it helps clarify our doctrine, and help others understand what we believe.

So then, why have I not changed the name of my blog to comply? Wouldn't it be better to call it "The Latter-day Saint Mel," which would be in harmony with the new Style Guide?

Short answer: Because, for me, nothing has changed. The name of the Church hasn't changed, and for decades we've received the same counsel urging against the use of the nickname "Mormon." I had all this in mind a few years ago when I chose the name of my blog, and the reasons behind the blog name haven't changed. Of course, this will need more explaining.

I'll start with describing how soap works. (wait for it...)

The typical soap molecule has two sides to it. One is an oily fatty acid side, and the other side is a harsh alkaline. The oily side likes to stick to oil, while the alkaline (lye) likes to stick to water.

If you try to wash your oily hands with only water, it doesn't work very well because oil and water don't mix. The water just slides off, and you still got oily dirt on your hands. If you try to pour lye on your hands, hoping it'll help the water clean your hands, it might work, but it'll burn your hands. Likewise, if you try to pour on oily fatty acids, it'll just smear and get oilier.

It takes both the fatty acid and the lye in combination to make it all work. Kind of like a mullet ... you know, business in the front (the lye), and party in the back (the fatty acid)? This video gives a little bit more detail on how soap works, if you want to know more.

What I'd like to point out here is that the fatty acid is a type of "hook" that is needed to attract the oil and dirt in order for the "business" to work. Ultimately it's the lye that attaches to the water to pull away the dirt, but it's useless without the dirty fatty acid side.

This "hook" concept appears everywhere in book writing and advertising. You want to attract customers to buy your products or read the meat ("business") of what you want people to read.

Think about this: if you have something to say, why should anyone listen to you? More often than not, people don't care what you have to say, because they're preoccupied by whatever they enjoy or whatever they're worrying about. You could talk and talk and talk, but they'll most likely tune you out.

Unless, you catch their attention. Perhaps you've seen the Looney Tunes short where a man tries to get people to see his dancing frog? Nobody comes until he paints a "FREE BEER" sign.

This is ultimately why I chose to include the word "Mormon" in my blog title. It is my hook, and my main targets are people who aren't members of my church, but are looking to learn more about it. Plus, I love the clever alliteration. So many "M"s! The Mormon Mel!

It also fits nicely with the names of my other blogs: The Word of Mel, The Music of Mel, and The Econo-Mel. Each blog title has just two accented syllables and follows a simple pattern.

Once I get people to my blog, I then hit them with the "business," and I think I do a pretty good job at this. People who visit learn things about my church, and they're usually grateful and very appreciative of how I present things.

Practically everyone has heard of the "Mormons." They may not understand what it is, but they do know that it's something, and that it's peculiar, and interesting. These same people are much less likely to have heard of "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints" or the shortened "Latter-day Saints" and probably don't know they're the same as "Mormons."

Check out these search results as presented by Google Trends. The following graph shows a popularity index of different keywords among actual Google searches. I've set blue = "mormon"; red = "latter day saint"; yellow = "lds"; and green = "church of jesus christ of latter day saints."

"LDS" has been consistently popular over the past 15 years. "Mormon" appears to track slightly under "LDS" until 2011 when the "Book of Mormon" musical came out. And recently it has gone back down to its previous level. But look at the green and red lines -- you can hardly see them at all.

And check this out ...

The geography of "Mormon" searches cover the entire United States, with peaks in heavily LDS-populated states.

Compare with ...

The geography of "Latter Day Saint" is much more confined to more heavily LDS-populated states, with almost nothing coming from the other states. It's almost as if the other states didn't get the memo!

This all tells me that if I were to change the name of my blog to "The Latter-day Saint Mel", it would drastically decrease its visibility. It would be harder to reach those outside of my church ... a big chunk of my intended audience.

I'll come back to this, but first some quick history.

In 1990, First Counselor Hinckley talked about people calling us "Mormon," and said, "They could do worse." Mormon was an honorable man -- a prophet from around 400 AD. While everyone else was busy killing people and living riotously, Mormon compiled the majority of what we now call the Book of Mormon. He also raised a son in righteousness -- Moroni, who would later finish the work of his father.

When Elder Hinckley became our church President, he ran a successful PR campaign, appearing on 60 Minutes, and submitting to other interviews. He always used the full name of our church, but when people called us "Mormons," he would just smile and say, "Would you like to learn more?" He encouraged us to stand taller and to be a great example to the world.

In 2011, the "I'm a Mormon" campaign launched under President Monson (the one who succeeded President Hinckley). Also, that year the Church put out a light-hearted official response to the Book of Mormon musical: "The production may attempt to entertain audiences for an evening, but the Book of Mormon as a volume of scripture will change people's lives forever by bringing them closer to Christ." And in 2014 came the release of the "Meet the Mormons" movie, which was meant for mainly non-Mormon audiences.

Thus, the idea of using "Mormon" as a hook has been around a long time. Though, recently, President Nelson has indicated that perhaps we had made mistakes forsaking our church's name while trying to bring in more followers. And this is the main impetus for the recent rebranding. A lot of our church's websites have been renamed to move away from "Mormon" and "LDS," and to move more toward the full name and sometimes "Latter-day Saint."

The URL lds.org now redirects to churchofjesuschrist.org. And mormon.org now goes to comeuntochrist.org. Also, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir has been renamed to be the Tabernacle Choir at Temple Square -- undoubtedly the most visual manifestation of this rebranding to the outside world. It will most likely raise questions, and help others learn from this new emphasis by President Nelson.

Just one more thing to show you before I wrap up. Many owners of blogs and Facebook pages that previously used "LDS" or "Mormon" have shown compliance by changing to the lengthier "Latter-day Saint" or the full name of the Church. (But not all have changed.)

For example, the group formally known as "LDS Pianists" is now "Pianists of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints." And look at what these name changes did to some of these Facebook Groups:

I can immediately make out what each group is except for three of them: "Latter-day Saint Or...", "The Church of Jes...", and "Latter-day Saint S...", which in turn makes them harder to find. I'm forced to hover my mouse over the title to figure out what each one is.

Now imagine the name of my blog in some feed. Right now, "The Mormon Mel" is short and would fit perfectly. But if I change the name, it would appear as "The Latter-day Sain..." I know that would translate into fewer visitors.

Finally, to conclude, I fully understand the inspiration that President Nelson has delivered, and the name changes that the Church underwent for their websites and organizations. It makes sense that the world should know the true name of our Church.

However, I've given this much consideration over the past year, and I feel that I can serve a much higher purpose and reach more people by keeping the name of my blog the same: "The Mormon Mel." I love the alliteration, and I believe the title is catchy and has high visibility.

Once people come to my blog, I'll set things straight. I do plan to take some other actions to comply with the instructions we've received, such as stopping the use of the word "Mormonism" (of which I agree 100%) and to change the subheading of my blog to reflect the full name of the Church ... stay tuned for more details as I roll those changes out.

The "Eclipse" Testimony

Two years ago (the first week of September), I gave this testimony immediately after having seen the 2017 solar eclipse. Since I failed to record it earlier, this is just an estimate of what I had said. It'll be important for other posts I have coming down the pike (the "How to Keep People in the Church" series).

I had gone down to Greenville, SC to view the event on August 21, 2017. You can read all the gory details here. During my testimony I gave the ultra-condensed version. I had been planning the trip for years. I could have stayed in my home city of Winston Salem, NC, which was in the 95% eclipse zone, but that wasn't good enough for me.

In order to catch 100%, I took the day off from work, spent almost 4 hours driving down with my family, and then we saw it. Pictures and video don't do it justice. It was magical -- like a 3-D paper origami moon covering the prettiest corona you could ever imagine with its strange red/purple light. It was like nothing I had seen before, or will rarely see again.

The trip back was slightly worse. I-85 was a parking lot, so we used the back roads. It added more than a hour to a regular trip, but it was fun.

I had several Winston Salem friends who had made similar plans. A few took the trip to catch that last 5%, and some stayed behind. That last contingent went outside shortly after lunch and caught as much as they could. They put on their solar glasses and had a fun time. Most of the sun's face was covered except for a small sliver. It was an experience for them, ... however ... they never saw the corona. They missed out on the full magic.

I know this, because, as soon as the first tiniest speck of the sun's surface appeared (the Bailey's Beads as captured by my friend in the picture above), there was instant heat, and we could no longer see the corona, and we had to put our filtered glasses back on.

Now, take a moment to see it from the stay-at-home point of view. I got to hear it from one of my work friends as we all went out to eat lunch at Mama Zoe's. About half of us had gone down to SC, and the other half had stayed.

My one stay-at-home friend said, "I had a blast. Yeah, I know I was planning to go down, but I ultimately decided not to go, because I would have to drag my family through hours of traffic just for a 2-minute show. We had 95% totality, and it got down to a sliver, and it was cool. In hindsight, I'm glad I made the right decision. I got to see it, AND I didn't get stuck in traffic."

Then as you may expect, I and my went-down friends tried to explain what he had missed out on, but he would have none of it. Even though I had seen one of the most spectacular events of my life, I found it very difficult to put into words -- to explain it to someone who really only experienced a small portion of the event.

As we gained up on my stay-at-home friend, he got more defensive and started implying that we were stupid for going down in the first place and that triggered me. I said, "I saw the corona with my own eyes, and nothing will ever take that away from me. It was worth the trip." And that pretty much ended the discussion forever.

I know we could have handled the whole situation better, but I couldn't help seeing some important analogies.

The solar eclipse at 100% totality represents the "true" Gospel. Being able to see the corona is like seeing the full Truth.

All churches have a portion of Truth. Among all the Christian denominations, roughly 95% of the doctrine is the same. (If we include non-Christian religions, there are still some similarities. But I stuck with Christianity in this testimony to keep it simple.) We all believe that Christ can save us from sin, which is by far the most important piece of doctrine.

People tend to stay with the church with which they were raised, because to them, that 95% is good enough. There isn't much incentive to search for other churches, because there is a sense that they all believe the same things with minor differences between the denominations.

But in our church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints), that extra 5% makes a big difference. We can see what other people are missing. It's difficult to explain to them exactly what it is, but we know this extra knowledge. I'm grateful for what I've learned, and no one can ever take it away from me.

I said those last words to a room of other members of our church, but I'd like to slightly modify it for my non-LDS readers. There is always room to learn more knowledge. Even in my church, it's believed that more truths will be revealed later (Article of Faith #9). Even though I'm satisfied with the doctrine of my church, I am also searching for further truth, including frequent studying of other religions.

Because ... well ... it's worth the trip. Having Truth is good and helps to put things in proper perspectives. It helps us to see beautiful things that we would otherwise miss.

I would like to end by comparing the above eclipse analogy with at least two talks given at General Conference in October 2017 -- the very quick version. In those two talks, the eclipse was given as an example of the moon being a small thing, yet covering up a large sun. The moon represented distractions in our life that are small, yet big enough to keep us from seeing the light. You can similarly cover up the entire moon by holding your little thumb in front of it.

Though, this is a cool analogy that was used twice independently, I like mine better. Theirs make the eclipse sound like a bad thing. But to me, the corona was the beautiful part to see. It's there all the time, but we can never see it. The surface of the sun is the "distraction," and the moon was the small means that could cover up the distraction long enough for us to see the sun's true nature.

But sure ... two different ways to look at it. Either way, cool eclipses make for cool analogies.

Goals for 2019

Last year I returned to writing in this blog. During 2018, I published more posts than I previously had in any other individual year. This is because I feel impressed to share all the thoughts that have been collecting recently. I anticipate even more posts this year as I push forward -- around 20-30 posts total.

My 2019 goals include the following:

• Continue working on the "Why I'm A Mormon" book (including a retitling).
• Explore how to strengthen the membership of the Church.
• Present a few works of LDS fiction.
• Continue to discuss random religious topics.

I wish you all a great 2019!

Self Reliance Principles -- Summary

Over this past year, I've shared 12 principles of Self Reliance that I learned while taking a course presented by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I invite you to check these out and see if they can help you succeed. I took the course with the intentions of having it help me grow my new and fledgling music business. Here is a quick summary of all the principles:

#1) Self reliance is a part of our spiritual salvation. Temporal matters and spiritual matters are the same in the eyes of God.

#2) Faith. No one succeeds unless they first believe they will ultimately succeed.

#3) Managing money. Hard work and saving money can help us get out of debt and prepare for the future.

#4) Obedience. As we exercise free will, we are usually better off following rules and advice from those who have gone before us.

#5) Use time wisely. Weekly and daily planning sessions can help you get the most out of your time in order to better achieve your goals.

#6) Perseverance. A positive attitude and a desire to push forward can help you achieve goals.

#7) Problem solving. Often, the best way to proceed is to first understand what the true problem is. [Bonus post: #7a -- The cop at the corner. An example of applying an expensive solution when a much simpler one exists.]

#8) Serving together. As people serve and work together, they can help each other achieve much more than they can on their own.

#9) Seek learning. Research and planning can help to formulate effective and achievable goals.

#10) Integrity. Honesty and keeping promises can help your reputation and avoid bad situations.

#11) Listening. Opening your ears and listening can help to accomplish tasks and strengthen relationships.

#12) Temple ordinances. Remembering what is most important in your life can help you maintain a proper perspective and with your decision making.

Self Reliance Principle #12: Temple Ordinances

The 12th and last principle of self reliance is to attend the temple. At first, this may sound like a strange one, but let me try to explain.

For my non-LDS readers, I'll point out that temple attendance represents that which is most important to members of my church. For example, I place a lot of value on the temple marriage between my spouse and me, knowing that it will ensure an eternal existence together in the next life. If I can't be with my family, then what else matters?

Though you may not belong to this church, you undoubtedly have something else that you consider to be most important. Perhaps it's something related to your own church, or your family, or something you've accomplished.

Once you've identified what's most important, you must then do whatever it takes to remember that -- to strengthen it, obtain it, achieve it, or cherish it.

Going back to LDS temples -- these are few, scattered around the world -- less than 200 total. So, in many places, it becomes a sacrifice in and of itself to attend the temple. In my case, it usually takes ninety minutes one way to get to the nearest temple. Though, now that it's closed for renovation, the next closest one is three hours away. With my busy schedule, it's a real sacrifice to go on such a trip.

For many people, the trip itself can also be a big financial burden -- especially outside of the US. So, planning such a trip may, itself, require exercising all the other self reliance principles.

The lesson manual points out several times that "insignificant things" can distract us from what's most important. These are things that pop up every now and then that seem important, to which we may devote much time while losing track of what's really important. Perhaps it's frustrations at work, or an argument with a friend. Or perhaps it's a fun diversion that wastes time.

Whatever pops up, we're best off to continually remember what's really important. For example, in the movie It's a Wonderful Life, George Bailey became so preoccupied with his problems that he quickly forgot how important he was in everyone else's lives.

So, there you go ... remember what's important, and you will do well. You will then naturally want to follow all of the other principles of self reliance, and you will succeed.

Self Reliance Principle #11: Listening

If everyone in the world were to follow this one principle (listening), it would solve nearly every problem.

Doesn't it make sense that when you listen, you'll learn more, understand more, and will be able to make better decisions? And isn't it amazing how most people refuse to do it?

This concept is so important that it makes up the most of Stephen Covey's 5th habit: "Seek first to understand, then to be understood."

How exactly does this work? The Self Reliance lesson manual provides the following 4-step process.

1. Concentrate: pay attention to the words and body language, and avoid distractions.

2. Appreciate: look at the speaker, show interest, and express thanks.

3. Review: try to repeat what you just heard.

4. Ask: "Did I understand?" and listen to the answer.

I got to practice some of this, myself, this past year. Even though I had planned certain activities in my music business, I came across a comment that someone made: "It's very difficult to buy sheet music when you can't see what's inside." After asking follow-up questions, I then decided to introduce free choral previews on my website, which appears to have been well received, even though I ended up putting off other business activities for a month. In the end, it appears to have been worth the effort.

Think what could be accomplished in Congress if Democrats and Republicans were to simply listen to each other. How many times have you heard someone from one party complaining about how the other party is stupid and doesn't listen, when in reality it turns out that the person complaining isn't listening either?

The lesson manual also spends a considerable amount of time relating this principle to prayer. It is all too easy to go to our knees, thank God, and ask for things. However, how often do we stop to listen to the answers?

This part is very difficult for me. Very often when I say a prayer, it's usually too noisy, or I'm distracted with something else. Yet there are other times when I find myself ready to listen and I'll receive the answers I need to hear.

The 4 steps above can mostly be applied to prayer as well. There is no "body language" or being able to "look at the speaker," but most everything else applies. God isn't some out-of-reach super-duper-uber-high entity who couldn't care less about our everyday lives. Rather, he has shown over and over that he wishes to talk to us, and all we have to do is to simply listen.

So, give it a try. Over the next week, whomever you run into, listen to what they have to say and seek to understand them. See how they respond when they realize you had been listening. And see what you can learn.